Pets!

written by divorceandchildren
10-29-2009
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Kids, Pets and Divorce

Call me naive! When doing research for this article I was thinking I would find only information on how pets are positive aspects during this time of upheaval in the lives of children. I based this illusion upon my own kids experience with our family menagerie from gold fish to livestock, believing having these animals not only taught responsibility, understanding sole responsibility for another living creature, and the joy of raising an animal from birth to adulthood. My children have always had pets before, during, and after the divorce with no disputes or retaliation from either parent.

I found an article by Honorable Anne Kass titled "Divorcing Parents May Use Pets to Control Children's Decisions" as shocking. I was grateful that my ex husband and I never used our children's pets as tools for our own gain of control or manipulate in getting what we wanted, knowing this was not in their best interest.

Judge Kass wrote of several cases where parents had gotten their children pets as bribes so they would live with them and when they choose or were forced by the court to live with other parent they were not allowed to take their beloved pet. An excerpt from Kass' article:

The worst case I ever saw involved a father who was angry at his 7-year old son for telling the custody evaluator that he wanted to live with his mother. To punish the child the father took the boy and his pet cat for a drive on the freeway where he ejected the cat from the car as the child watched. That child's request that he not have to visit his father was granted.

Even though I have read that Abraham Maslow, the world renowned psychologist who showed nothing but kindness and good will, had experienced his mother killing a litter of kittens as punishment for feeding the kittens after she had told him not to. It has been stated Dr. Maslow never forgave his mother for that act of cruelty which she intended to be a lesson, a form of discipline.

From these accounts of bribery, manipulation, and even disciple, it only reinforces my own belief of the importance of my own childrens' pets. Their animals have been positive additions in their life, teaching them valuable life skills. Realizing how their pets trusted, depended upon and obeyed them has given my kids skills of understanding; respecting authority, being able to trust and to love.