Blended or Stirred?

written by divorceandchildren
10-29-2009
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Blended or Stirred?

When I hear my friends say, "What do you expect, you are a blended family."It makes it sound like we are a martini from a James Bond movie. I want to answer back, "Does this mean we are shaken, not stirred?" Yes, my family is blended; sometimes I think we have been over blended!

Believing the word blended means, "Gee I don't know, blend?" Being confident I was correct in this assumption, I typed the word "blended" into the search option of the Merriam-Webster online; not expecting these three entries:

1. Blended Family (noun)
2. Blended Whiskey (noun)
3. Blend (verb)


Seeing these three definitions, I was not too far off the mark in my thinking of "blended" family is a cocktail. What I expected to see was this definition: To combine (varieties or grades) to obtain a mixture of a particular character, quality, or consistency. If your definitions and/or expectations for your blended family are: a combination of varieties of personalities and hoping we will have a certain consistency, maybe like the Brady Brunch, good luck with that! The childrens' definition might be different, possibly closer to that of Cinderella and her wicked stepmother and stepsisters!

These two examples of the "blended family" are from one extreme to the other and unrealistic. Common sense and communication are the best tools to define the blended family. In our blended family we have a total of four children with each of us bringing two children to the blend; adding a dog and two cats completing the mix. Recently my husband has been reunited with his biological family adding more mix to our blend.

Blended families come in all shapes, sizes, personalities, history, customs and memories. No matter the age of the children or family genealogy, you as the adult need be caring, have patience and respect; refrain from talking disrespectful of their other natural parent (adoptive parent); and realize when you combine two separate families together you will have some conflicts. Listening, talking and understanding the other person's feelings is critical to help get through the "blending" process. It will take some time, no matter the ingredients of your new family; you can create history and grow memories with each other. It's not always easy but eventually it will be worth all the efforts of "blending".