Guilt....

written by divorceandchildren
08-25-2009
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Children can believe they have done something terrible wrong or been very bad because their parents are getting divorced. Kids can spend days, possibly sleepless nights, trying to remember what was the last thing I did that caused this.

When children do blame themselves for their family's new life changing event, though a harmful solution, may seem for your children the only thing that makes sense and bearable. You, as their parent need to keep reassuring, telling and reinforcing:

-They are NOT to blame for the divorce.
-A divorce is a major adult decision made by parents, not kids.
-Parents are responsible and in charge of what happens in the family.
-Most importantly they need to know they are loved, will be listened to, talked with and cared for.

Children will still think if they try to be good or change, not fight with their brothers or sisters, please mom and dad then the divorce won't happen and their life will go back to normal. They will figure out no matter how many extra chores, not arguing with their siblings or talking back to mom or dad things are not going to change. Reassure them they are not to blame; they are valued; parents need to keep talking, listening and the key is to keep telling them they are loved.